2016: The year that was beautifully painful

If you are wondering why this post was dropped almost 2 and a half weeks into the New Year, it’s because I’ve been sick for just about all of 2017 and didn’t have any creative motivation to do anything but it’s 1 a.m. on a Thursday night (Friday morning technically) and I of course have words jammed in my head that I feel need to be written so here it goes.

When I think about 2016, I think of a year that was just as easily about gain as it was loss. In many aspects. And it kinda overwhelms me. It’s as if 18 emotions all happen at once and its good and bad and breathtaking and heartbreaking. One thing I love doing is going back through my pictures at the end of every year because moments frozen in time are my favorite thing. I love it because when a look at a picture I’ve taken, I’m taken back to that exact second. Wherever I was, whoever I was with, whatever I was doing, and how I was feeling in that very moment all comes back to me. That’s why I have fallen in love with the art of capturing moments. It’s beautiful to me. Each memory brought back a lesson I learned.

I learned that no matter how bad you want something, even if it’s with every fiber in your being, some things just aren’t meant to happen. Maybe just for now. Maybe not ever. Sometimes you try and you try and you put in everything you know how to put it in and it still doesn’t turn out the way you want it. It’s heartbreaking.

I learned having two wrecks can make your car insurance sky rocket.

I learned going to Disney more than twice a year is highly encouraged.

I learned that the thought “oh mom was right” is becoming uncomfortably relevant

I learned getting out of your comfort zone is one of the most freeing things. If whatever you are doing doesn’t make your heart skip a beat or your palms all clammy or your stomach have butterflies then what’s the point. Those are the moments that make life worth living. Taking chances and risks and deep breaths.

I learned watching people jam out alone in the car next to you is the best thing ever.

I learned my bobble head obsession doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. I’m at 30.

I learned that being transparent is the scariest thing you’ll ever do. It’s easy to live with wall’s up not letting people get close. I’ve always had the fear that if I let someone know how I feel or see who I am then the only thing I’ll get it rejection. Living like that is a life half lived. I was upfront with people on how their actions affected me. I was vulnerable and got to share fears and ambitions and dreams. I got over my swallowed my fear of being rejected and was honest and open about how I felt about a guy. And honestly every singled one of these things was showed me how liberating it is to get outside of your worries and fears.

I learned forgiveness is more for you than it is them.

I learned that its perfectly okay to spend rainy Saturdays in bed it’s now actually preferred

I learned that I’m that geeky cheesy hopeless romantic…wait no I already knew that.

I learned southwest has a low fare calendar and it is AMAZING.

I learned that your girl friends can break your heart way more than any guy can. This year I was smacked in the face with the reality that you should never linger on the people you wish were around and that you should bask in the people that decide to show up. It showed me that when it comes to a friendship, time and quality don’t always come hand in hand. Don’t make excuses for people who don’t put forth any effort. Friendships like that only lead to insecurities and they drain you.

I learned to laugh at my highly awkward moments.

I learned I can make a website.

I learned that taking picture’s is the only thing that I will never get tired of doing.

I learned words can make you feel to the depths of your soul.

I learned that you can’t compare the plan picked out for you and the plan picked out for someone else. I realized that there are only things I can do. There are only words I can speak to people who need to hear them. There are only paths I can cross with the things I’ve learned. There are only doors I can walk through, but when the time is right. Everyone has a unique purpose and place to be.

I was reassured that school has never been a passion…ugh.

I learned even more that Jesus was, and is, and will always be. Through the highs and the lows. Through the laughter and the tears. Through the harvest and through the drought. Through the yes and the no. Through the “I love you”s and the “you’re not enough”s.

I learned that I am a hotmess. And I am loving it. 

 

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